Self-Care seems to be like flossing: You know you’re supposed to do it, you try to do it, but somehow it seems like no matter what you’re doing or how often you do it, someone is there telling you that you’re doing it wrong. With so much conflicting information, it can be hard to know what’s right, and sometimes when we get confused about what to do, or we feel so discouraged and disheartened by what we think we’re just never going to be able to achieve that we give up, and let our self-care take one for the team.
The origins of self-care (you can check out the Slate article linked below for a good, detailed look at this) came from medical doctors working with patients whose capacity to take care of themselves was diminished in some way, whether because of health conditions, age, or mental health challenges like dementia. It encouraged eating well and getting exercise. On some level, those basic recommendations have not changed since the early 1900s (Martinez, Connelly, & Calero, 2021). And on some level, they’re not really wrong: self-care is, really, how we care for ourselves. Think of it as your daily non-negotiables. The nice thing about thinking of it this way is that we get to decide for ourselves what those are, because what’s non-negotiable for you might not be something that’s even on someone else’s radar. Maybe for you, every single day you have to get 8 hours of sleep, take a shower, go for a walk, and read. Maybe it includes taking medications, maybe not, and maybe it includes spending time with your pet, or drinking coffee, or having sex, or maybe you’re ok to not do those things, too. Self-care is all about you, as an individual and what you need, and yet, it’s so much more.
Self-Care is a way for us to reclaim our autonomy. In the 1960s the idea of self-care got picked up by civil rights leaders and women’s rights advocates as a way to take back our own power from a culture dominated by cishet white men. It was a revolutionary statement that looked at disparities in poverty, health, mental health, and said ‘no more.’ Self-care began to look at improving quality of life, and our ability to self-determine, rather than just the absence of being sick. Martin Luther King, Jr spoke out about disparities in health care and the correlates with poverty and illness, and the Black Panther Party organized street fairs and community health clinics as a way of getting people to take control over their health, and their lives. This. Movement said, Self-care could be for everyone, and it should be. We get to decide, we get to rely on ourselves to take our power back over our bodies, our health, and our future. So yes, self-care is absolutely those daily things that help us “achieve, maintain, or promote optimal health and well-being” (Martinez, Connelly, & Calero, 2021), but it’s so much more than that. Today, The World Health Organization says, “Self-care is the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a health worker.” (who.int). This definition seems to be about moving what we think of as health and letting it be not just the absence of illness, but a way of having a quality of life that works for us. It’s taking care of ourselves in a way that acknowledges our limits and lets us set boundaries and stick with them. It’s about achieving safety within our relationships and also within ourselves, feeling comfortable with our emotions and learning to trust ourselves to make good decisions for ourselves. It becomes resting when we need to rest, asking for help, and feeling a sense of self-reliance and power.
In the Slate article, the authors talk about a move towards a more commercialized idea of self-care starting in the 1980s, and the association of self-care with money, status, and power. Self-care began to look like expensive facials, vacations, shopping sprees, and sipping champagne while getting a pedicure. If that is what fills your cup that’s fine, too, there’s no judgment here. Self-care, in addition to those daily non-negotiables, as a way of reclaiming your power and your wellness can and should include things that you do sometimes that feel good, that you need to do for yourself to get to, or keep, or strive for that optimal state. From this perspective, it can also look like community involvement, activism, or other ways of connecting with other people. What values do you have that you’d like to see reflected to you in your neighborhood? Are there ways to use your time or interests or skills to help? In what ways can self-care look like shared decision making, with your providers, your partner, or your community (Narasimhan, Allotey, & Hardon, 2019)? And if, right now, being more involved in one more project or community event feels like a bridge too far, self-care can mean acknowledging this as a limit and being ok with not taking on more than you can.
I definitely believe that self-care can look like pedicures, or sleep in Saturdays, or laying out on the beach. It also can look like being able to advocate for people who might not have a voice, in politics, in my neighborhood, and on social media. It also looks like going to bed on time, taking time to eat as well as I can, and putting on makeup and perfume every single day. But that’s me, and if that works for you, cool, and if not, that’s cool, too. The nice thing about self-care is that you are the self. You get to decide. Taking care of yourself has, and continues to be, a revolutionary act! In a very real sense it is you, taking control of you, and deciding every day, this is what I need. It’s what you do for yourself, but not necessarily by yourself. Self-care can mean going to the doctor when you need to, or seeing a therapist when you need to, and being empowered to do this in a way that also supports your autonomy, through shared decision making and support. You don’t have to do it alone.
Martínez N, Connelly CD, Pérez A, Calero P. Self-care: A concept analysis. Int J Nurs Sci. 2021 Sep 5;8(4):418-425. doi: 10.1016/j.ijnss.2021.08.007. PMID: 34631992; PMCID: PMC8488814.
Narasimhan M, Allotey P, Hardon A. Self care interventions to advance health and wellbeing: a conceptual framework to inform normative guidance BMJ 2019; 365 :l688 doi:10.1136/bmj.l688
Slate.com accessed 2/5/23 https://www.slate.com/articles/arts/culturebox/2017/04/the_history_of_self_care.html
WHO.int accessed 2/5/2023 https://www.who.int/health-topics/self-care#tab=tab_1
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